My Discombobulated face turned a scarlet red as the spicy jalapeno slid down my burning throat. My Evil older brother Peter convinced me that the so-called red Banana was edible. But it made my tongue tingle and then i suddenly went horrifyingly numb. i tried with all my strength to say “ILL GET YOU FOR THIS” but all that came out was random gibberish and gooey green flem. It hurt something awful and the burning sensation was slowly turning me into a vegetable. The only sound that I heard was Peter’s hysterical laughing, and all I could fell was my sweat and tears turning into steam
My scarlet gumboots waded across the
Hello Marcus,
ReplyDeleteIt’s obvious on reading your story you understand the power words can have to create images in the minds of readers. As an example, your opening sentence helped me picture a person, the cold turning her breath’s moisture to vapour, as she exhaled on a very cold day. Well done.
Throughout, I would only perhaps have made some slight changes but they would be more my personal choices you as a writer might not make. As an example, in your final sentence I might have reviewed the use of commas.
I most certainly hope you can continue entering the 100WC. Good writers should share the worlds and adventures from their imagination.
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia
Kia ora Marcus - I have loved reading your 100 word stories, I followed a link from the 100wc website : ) I am working with some teachers today telling them about 110wc so I will share your blog as an example of great writing.
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